Fucking Great Recipe: Caribbean Coconut Curry Chicken

This caribbean curry is stupidly good. I’m pretty sure this is the best meal in all of Panama right now. -Topher

Backstory: I love to cook, and I have been cursed all my life by dating guys who are unable to eat in one way or another. From my first serious boyfriend, who hated cheese (dear God, who hates cheese?!) and mostly just liked raw vegetables, to the one who had stomach problems and was a strict pescatarian, to the the one who only ate one small meal a day (seriously, the boy couldn’t even finish a grilled cheese sandwich), to my most recent ex, who had a problem with his throat which made swallowing painful and therefore prefered eating liquified foods, I’ve dated people who just plain suck at eating. Which is basically the biggest irony when you’re a person who would love nothing more than to cook for others all the time. So before I met Topher, I wrote down a list of things I wanted in a man. Normally my top qualities would be things like intelligence, loyalty, makes me laugh, and a good person. But I knew what really mattered now, and at the top of the list I scribbled MUST EAT FOOD.

Well, the universe delivered. I am dating a man who eats food! WOOO! gives self a high five. It only took 10 years of dating to get that right. Sure, he’s got his weird quirks, like hating rice with a burning passion and not liking any kind of melons. But you know what? I don’t care much for rice either, and I hate melons. I’m pretty sure this means we’re made for each other.

Today I’m going to show you how to make chicken curry, caribbean style (aka I added in some fresh pineapple and called it tropical). Topher lost his shit over it, and I think you will too; it’s rich and flavorful and we both ate until we were about to explode.

Note: My pictures suck and don’t do this meal justice. So make it anyway and if you hate it, blame it on me. But you’re gonna be licking it off the plate while making dinosaur noises. And you can blame that on me, too.

Ingredients

  • One Whole Chicken (or 4 large chicken breasts if you’re too lame to handle a whole chicken)
  • 5 medium-sized tomatoes, chopped in pieces
  • 1/2 of a ripe pineapple
  • large nub of fresh ginger
  • curry powder
  • 2 hot peppers (up to you how spicy you want to make it), chopped into tiny pieces
  • 1 red bell pepper
  • 1 can coconut milk
  • 1 large onion
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 3 large garlic cloves
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Total Time: 3 1/2 hours (but most of that will be spent bumming around doing whatever creepy shit you do when you’re alone while the meal cooks itself)

Steps

  • First chop up the onion and sautee it until clear in the butter, adding the garlic for the last minute or so of the process.

  • Then add your tomato and stir

  • Next, chop up your spicy pepper. I have no idea what this pepper I’m holding is, but I used just half of one and it gave the entire meal a nice kick.

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  • Once you’ve done that, add in a copius amount of curry powder. I’d say I used 1/4th of the container I had.

  • Once you’ve spiced it up, take your ginger (which hopefully doesn’t look as nasty as mine, but this is what you get when you shop in Panama)

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  • Wash it off, break off a large nub, peel it, and then grate it

  • Put the grated ginger into the sauce

  • Next cut up your pineapple and put that into the sauce too

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  • After that, put in your whole chicken and try to bury it as deeply as possible in the sauce. Note: I cook using the whole chicken 1) because it comes frozen here and I’m too scared to buy anything else from the really dirty looking butcher in town and 2) because simmering it with the bones and fat in gives the sauce a phenomal flavor.

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  • After 45 minutes, flip the chicken

  • After another 45 minutes take the chicken out and de-bone it, putting the now boneless chicken back in the pot.

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  • Then go about your day for another hour or so, putting in the chopped red bell pepper in the last half-hour of cooking.

  • When you’re ready to eat, open the can of coconut milk and pour it on in! Note: Don’t let the coconut milk boil. It will separate, which is its version of curdling. And no one wants curdled caribbean coconut curry.

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And TaDa! I know it looks weird (I have no idea how to do food photography) and I don’t have any pictures of us eating it because this is my first recipe post and apparently I don’t have the pictures part down at all. But rest assured, if you are the kind of person who actually likes eating food like Topher I do, you’ll probably agree that this recipe tastes pretty fucking great.