Topher and Madi's Tongue-in-Cheek Guide to Denver

As a good friend of mine said,

“Denver could be any city anywhere. People like Denver because it’s surrounded by a lot of really cool places, not because it, itself, has any defining personality. It’s equivalent to the aquaintance you hang out with because they’ve got really cool friends.”

Having lived there and calling Colorado home, I have to agree.

So if you find yourself in Denver, we recommend you visit these places instead:

  • Fort Collins (for the beer)

    Madi recommends renting a bike and spending a summer’s day touring the various breweries. For more info, here’s a handy map for a self-guided tour, or just ask any local for help.

  • Boulder (for the people watching)

    Boulder has some strange folks. Go downtown to Pearl Street, find a place with outdoor seating like The Cup Cafe, and enjoy gazing upon the hippies and rich white people while you try to count how many passing people most likely have orthorexia nervosa.

  • Glenwood Springs (for a family vacation)

    Once upon a time, a crazy old man had a dream of building a giant swing over the top of Glenwood Canyon and turning that swing into a theme park. People laughed, until he made it a reality and became ridiculously rich off of it. We’ve never actually experienced Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park because it’s a steep $50 per adult. However, if we had kids, we’d fork it over and watch them have a blast ~~and hopefully not die from a swing malfunction~~.

  • Anywhere in the Mountains (because you’re in Colorado, after all)

    Madi took that picture last year in Rocky Mountain National Park. Word to the wise: I70 (the highway that goes from Denver west into the mountains) can be hell-on-Earth due to traffic, especially on the weekends, so plan your trip accordingly.

And if you’re really stuck in Denver and can’t leave the city…

We’re sorry.